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to the out side world i have been gone to hell and walking dead from life of my past that cames to life to hunt me.
i have found that life is very sweet as of right now. my work as a soldier has me holding my head high with pride and hold myself to a anew sence of honor and duty i happly fulfill.
in the military i'm now been premoted to E-2 PV2 witch is cool. my unit is 1192nd engineer company in OH. its a good unit, found out who is family on my 2nd day. that was kick ass... i love been a 62B, its the best MOS there is.
on nromle life, i'm happly with a new grl. she has me in love and can;t wait to just hold her. we will be moving intogetter soon. yeah that means me moving out of mom's place. very happy about that, no more bitchy shit about me being gay and all that drama from family.
i do think i found the one for once. i have new look and new body and all changed in the last 9 months... |
hey world.. this is a sad but true update to my life... my world has been truned upside down on me..
my grl dumpped me last week... i love her still but i drinking for 3 days after that to dull the pain i feel over losing her.. but i have to get on with my life and i want with my boy and brother Eddie to RPHS to find a one nighter.. that didn't happen but i did make out with 4 grls...
i think that going to be fun to party withh my boys soon so i can really play the feild and pick up grls out there... but all well i still will have the pain of lost over her.. i do love her but i guess the saying is true "what is ment to be shall come to pass and what not shall not..."
bless it be that i got my slot to go strait thriw for basic and AIT... i now leave or ship on the 22nd of June... so i get some time before i go to have fun with my sister angel and her boy OZ and my brother eddie...
so i have time to live with my heard brack and with my training or half ass training of it... i got to run to hang in norton.. later |
hey everyone,
i will be shipping to my duty station in about a week now... on 060606 the devil/demon day...
i can't want untill i ship its going to be fun at boot and AIT. i'm sent to MO, mama says she is going to coem down form my grad from boot too so that will be so sweet and culo taht she is going to come down form me.
i'm going to my gradma's this weekend to help out and to send soem time with her before i leave. i will not see my family for 6 mouths while training so i'm going to enjoy that time i have with my family and my pets...
ohhh.. we have puppies at home now they are 4 weeks old with eyes open and walking... i named the one boy Rascal after Rascal Flatts... mom named the one grl orero she is so cute but not as cute as Rascal is... there are 5 grls and 2 boys... i take back every mean and evil thing i said about dogs now that i have Rascal.. mom did make me get reid of my odder pets but there not realy gone seeing my boys have them... my snake Timmy when to Josh and Darkness the trasla when to Jimmy and my rat is at gradma's she love yamaha...
so i get to have a puppy and my cat.. they have not meet yet but they will love each other... hay Slpash got along with all those odd pets so a puppy should be easy... i hope...
i will have pics on myspace of him soon i hope...
later i got to run a few more miles to day, trainign never stops untill i drinkl tonight...
-sarahCurrent Mood:  excited Current Music: Rascal Flatts |
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May. 10th, 2006 @ 06:43 pm
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ok so this wekend was the May Day, may 5th, kent state shotign weekend along with a race mixed in at the end.
i ended up doing the DJ job at Scoots and larans Party on Friday night. i had the lab top up and runing while we all got drunk and had fun. i did get wild irlhs rose for me to drink as soem thing harder then beer. i did over do the beers that night or it was me getting sick from eatign ice cream when i know i'm can;t intake milk or milk products at all.. so i ended up sick but not much and after all the others left the party.
on saterday, i was going to do a bar clarw with my boys form racign then we we're going to fiuck fuck on suday but mom got a hold of me and say "your comign home, today to take care of your cat" so i ended up goign home but not before packign up most of my drom room so i'm half moved out now. on thursday to final the move after i finsh my finals at college. so i ended up runign around home for that day.
my boys still did go out on the cralw with out me, but its cool they came and fell asleep in the truck thaat they prarked in the yard. when they got up around 12 we were on our way to racing for the 6 foot trouthy... it the big one you'll leave you quad at the track to brain git home with you. i did win it once before but that was about 1 and half ago. Josh and my other boys when racing on sunday... we ended up playing around for a few ohours and later i found a trailer with wireless up and i could hach in to check my mail and that at the track. that was odd but fun. i didn;t win the big one but got 3 rd in the race so i took the money and and gave Josh 20 for the enty fea that he payed.
i did end up hitting a double jump wrogn and had the quad land on me. then i pushed it off me adn i was so happy it was fine, i was on Timmy's quad... Timmy was telling to rest for the race but i just wanted to play around onthe quad and have fun all day adn did just that.. i did sleep on the 2 hr trip tp thr track adn on the way 2 mor hrs for the PA OH line when the track was to going on caber street cralw woth my boys and did hit a kick ass after party.. i the only donw side to the fuck thing was whne we did the cralw it was fuckign incane, and i got soem many chicas #s playing the game of pick up line athe striaght bars and clubs. i didn;t thorw them away but gave them to Mike, Josh and Luke... they where so fucking happy abotu ti we did two more stops one to this gay bar which so shorcked me they could find one let aonly go in to with me., but it was kicking then we hit a fucking hot ass strip club.. now thats where all the fun this night and we are fuckign drunk off our ass ...
Josh payed for me to going to the VIP room with three hot fuckign grls. blonde one, red one and one hot black chick... so much fun the realy bad thing was Josh handed me 50 to play with on the grls what i wish to have. he was trying to buy me a hooker that night but i so glad i talked him out of that shit. it was so fuck incane of a night and i go my drinking on all the way. form mixed drinks to my fav tequila baby... ofcoure we had to have the brother Jim and Jake inthe triuncks on the way to and from all the places...
ok its was one hell of a weekend and now on monday i get to live with my hang over and study more for my finals... it was my boys way to let me relax for studing and so love my boys for it...
the only thing i'mmad at my self for is frogeting to grab my honey's number form on top of the tv in the drom so i could call her at all and was mad at myself for it so much.. i ended up taking to Josh and Timmy for 5 hrs before we even where on the way to the race.. they liek know i in love with my grl so much form how i talk abotu her to them.. they even liked the pics did show them even those Josh is a fucking racist fucker at times just liek my fucking ass of older brother which was out of state working so no deakign withrat boy at all... hahah... but any ways i just want to hold me baby grl in my arms right now and kiss her so sweetly... i would also love to maek love to her and i know she would love to help me out of my tank top and racign cloth.... or alest to get me to sleep if nothign else...
all in all a fucking kick ass weekend with my boys and familia.. i got to cook too... ok i've going to pass out soon as i drink down the worn in my bottle of tequila.. in a glup.. fuck i'm drunk.. i going to bed now...
ok after that.. on Monday the last night of partying and loco fun i ended up goign to the Interbult like every monday night with my gay boys.. so love James, john and that other boys... i was still drinking befor egoing after mom droped me at the college. so we daecened and had fun meet a new gay that was his b-day and was hanging with my group, but had to laeve.. later on i got to see every one for he LGBT Gourp ther from Kara, katie and the others..
i was th enot eh only on edrinking that night and weekend really with Ben and Liz needing a ride home at the end of the night from Prusa and Amy her GF.. very cute togetter... i got a ride to the droms after we al wnet to eat at the cuontry kirten(sp?).. Liz did get sick but was ok. Ben was druck but fun.. we all ended up talking and learning abotu each other.. it was so a good day-- um-- night...
odd but fun weekend.. laterCurrent Mood: calm |
| » 10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong (humor and sarcastic) |
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I've seen this on MANY support sites and I figured I'd get it over with. THIS IS MEANT IN HUMOR EVERYONE. Its not serious. HUMOR
10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong
01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
May. 3rd, 2006 @ 02:23 pm
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| » poem |
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I watched the flag pass by one day.
It fluttered in the breeze.
A young Marine saluted it,
And then he stood at ease.
I looked at him in uniformr
So young, so tall, so proud,
With hair cut square and eyes alert
He`d stand out in any crowd.
I thought how many men like him
Had fallen through the years.
How many died on foreign soil?
How many mothers' tears?
How many pilots' planes shot down?
How many died at sea?
How many foxholes were soldiers' graves?
No, freedom isn't free.
I heard the sound of taps one night,
When everything was still
I listened to the bugler play
And felt a sudden chill.
I wondered just how many times
That taps had meant "Amen,"
When a flag had draped a coffin
Of a brother or a friend.
I thought of all the children,
Of the mothers and the wives,
Of fathers, sons and husbands
With interrupted lives.
I thought about a graveyard
At the bottom of the sea
Of unmarked graves in Arlington.
No, freedom isn`t free.
- Author Unknown
May. 3rd, 2006 @ 01:45 pm
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| » funny test things |
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Enneagram Test Results | Type 1 | Perfectionism | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Type 2 | Helpfulness | |||||||||| | 35% | | Type 3 | Image Focus | |||||| | 25% | | Type 4 | Hypersensitivity | |||||| | 30% | | Type 5 | Detachment | |||||||||||||||||| | 73% | | Type 6 | Anxiety | |||||||||| | 39% | | Type 7 | Adventurousness | |||||||||||||||||| | 75% | | Type 8 | Aggressiveness | |||||||||||||||||| | 80% | | Type 9 | Calmness | |||||||||||| | 47% | Your main type is 8 Your variant is sexual | Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
Stability ||||||||| 73%
Orderliness || 13%
Extraversion ||||| 36%
Stability results were high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Orderliness results were very low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Extraversion results were moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.
trait snapshot:
secretive, reclusive, messy, disorganized, introverted, unassertive, rarely worries, dislikes large parties, does not like to fit in, does not need to control others, solitary, ambivalent about chaos, tough, leisurely, does not respect authority, not aggressive, observer, abstract, impractical, dislikes leadership, daydreamer, bizarre, does not make friends easily, not a perfectionist, suspicious, rarely irritated, strong physical instincts, unsympathetic at times, risk taker, submissive, weird, sarcastic, strange
Stability |||||||| 66%
Orderliness || 10%
Extraversion ||||| 30%
Stability results were moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Orderliness results were very low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Extraversion results were low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.
trait snapshot:
secretive, reclusive, messy, disorganized, introverted, unassertive, rarely worries, dislikes large parties, does not like to fit in, does not need to control others, solitary, ambivalent about chaos, tough, leisurely, does not respect authority, not aggressive, observer, abstract, impractical, dislikes leadership, daydreamer, bizarre, does not make friends easily, not a perfectionist, suspicious, rarely irritated, strong physical instincts, unsympathetic at times, risk taker, submissive, weird, sarcastic, strange
Right Brain |||||||||||||||| 64%
Left Brain |||||||||| 36%
*results won't usually add up to 100% as this test measures each side seperately
Left brain dominant individuals are more orderly, literal, articulate, and to the point. They are good at understanding directions and anything that is explicit and logical. They can have trouble comprehending emotions and abstract concepts, they can feel lost when things are not clear, doubting anything that is not stated and proven.
Right brain dominant individuals are more visual and intuitive. They are better at summarizing multiple points, picking up on what's not said, visualizing things, and making things up. They can lack attention to detail, directness, organization, and the ability to explain their ideas verbally, leaving them unable to communicate effectively.
Overall you appear to be Right Brain Dominant
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According to Darwinian theory, optimal evolution takes place with random variation and selective retention. The evolution savvy individual will try many different approaches when faced with a problem and select the best of those approaches. Many historical intellectuals have confessed their advantage was simply considering/exploring/trying more approaches than others. The left brain dominant type suffers from limited approaches, narrow-mindedness. The right brain dominant type suffers from too many approaches, scatterbrained. To maintain balanced hemispheres, you need to exercise both variability and selection. Just as a company will have more chance of finding a great candidate by increasing their applicant pool, an individual who considers a wider set of options is more likely to make quality decisions.
Introverted (I) 73.08% Extroverted (E) 26.92%
Intuitive (N) 51.22% Sensing (S) 48.78%
Thinking (T) 62.5% Feeling (F) 37.5%
Perceiving (P) 68.75% Judging (J) 31.25%
Test Note: Read the descriptions below to avoid misinterpreting test results (for example, the Antisocial classification does not mean you are a loner, it means you tend to be insensitive towards others).
General Note: the validity and reliability of DSM personality disorders are still lacking in strong statistical evidence and clear agreement in the scientific and medical community. They are determined by the American Psychiatric Association and will likely be revised in the future.
Author Note:I don't think Schizoid personality is a valid disorder (read), some of the smartest people in history were schizoid because they occupied a remote end of the intelligence bell curve. Schizotypal personality can encompass highly original thinkers as well as totally insane people so I think it's a flawed type. I think the remaining eight disorders are generally valid.
Disorder Info
Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal
Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.
Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.
Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.
Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.
Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic
Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.
Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.
Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.
Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.
Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive
Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.
Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism
Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.
Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.
| Maslow Inventory Results | Physiological Needs (37%) you appear to have everything you need to survive physically.
Safety Needs (37%) you appear to have a very secure environment.
Love Needs (30%) you appear to be content with the quality of your social connections.
Esteem Needs (40%) you appear to have a medium level of skill competence.
Self-Actualization (61%) you appear to have a high level of individual development.
| Take Free Maslow Inventory Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com
Abraham Maslow authored the Hierarchy of Needs theory, stating that human beings are motivated by unsatisfied needs, and that certain lower needs have to be satisfied before higher needs can be attended to. It is debatable that needs fulfillment occurs in as linear a fashion as Maslow presents (or that Maslows needs structure is entirely accurate), but you can decide that for yourself. Also, higher needs tend to be more complex and vague in what qualifies as need satisfaction. The following results are listed in the order Maslow defined.
Physiological Needs : you appear to have everything you need to survive physically. Maslow speculates that without satisfying basic needs (food, shelter, health) one cannot achieve higher levels of development. This generally makes sense, but the history of starving artists and successful artists who tanked after they became wealthy is important to note.
Safety Needs: you appear to have a vert safe environment. Maslow speculates that without enviromental stability (security, safety, consistency), you can't progress to higher levels of development. Neuroscience research would appear to support this, as higher stress contributes to higher cortisol levels, which impair memory and thinking functions. However, low stress can also lead to obesity and cardiac degeneration. The lazier and weaker you become, the more stressful the most minimal tasks and stimuli become.
Love Needs: you appear to be content with the quality of your social connections. Maslow speculates that discontentment in your connections with others stalls development. Whether the resolution of love needs comes through good relationships and/or learning to be more internally fulfilled is a question Maslow does not answer. But history would suggest many advanced minds had few relationships so this stage would seem to be more about resolving internal perceptions than as a call for measuring/achieving happiness by quality of external relationships.
Esteem Needs: you appear to have a medium level of skill competence. Maslow speculates that until you develop a good skill set (talent, trade, expertise that you excel at) you will be unable to develop further as an individual (much less reliably support yourself financially). This could mean being a good musician, painter, doctor, carpenter, etc.. On some level this stage also requires getting over the need to be appreciated for that skill, internally and/or externally. Even if you develop a skill, you still might be hung up on the need to have other people validate you or you might internally doubt yourself. Then again, you might not be appreciated, or appreciate yourself because your skills are still too undeveloped.
Self-Actualization: you appear to have a high level of individual development. Maslow speculates that individual development is the pinnacle of existence, this means pursuing a career/life that really fits who you are and want to be internally (not based on external and societal expectations). The self actualized person is free from superficial concerns and is internally honest.
Locus of Control Test Results | Internal Locus (46%) Individual believes that their life is defined more by their decisions and internal drive.
External Locus (54%) Individual believes that their life is defined more by genetics, environment, fate, or other external factors.
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Take Free Locus of Control Test personality tests by similarminds.com
In the 60s Psychologist Julian Rotter developed a theory called Locus of Control of Reinforcement. His theory centered around whether someone thinks their life is more influenced by external factors like fate, genetics, luck, environment (external locus of control) OR by internal factors like effort, tenacity, and free will (internal locus of control).
Your results suggest you believe your life is defined about equally by both internal forces (drive, free will, etc.) and external forces (genetics, environment, fate).
Thus, you have an Ambiverted Locus of Control
| Freudian Inventory Results | Oral (30%) you appear to be stubbornly and irrationally against receiving help even when it might be the more intelligent option.
Anal (16%) you appear to be overly lacking in self control and organization, and possibly have a compulsive need to defy authority. If you are too scatterbrained, you will not develop much as a person as you will habitually switch paths before you ever learn anything.
Phallic (50%) you appear to have a good balance of sexual awareness and sexual composure.
Latency (40%) you appear to have a good balance of abstract knowledge seeking and practicality, dealing with real world responsibilities while still cultivating your abstract and creative faculties and interests.
Genital (66%) you appear to have a progressive and openminded outlook on life unbeholden to regressive forces like traditional authority and convention.
| Take Free Freudian Inventory Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com
Oral: you appear to be stubbornly and irrationally against receiving help even when it might be the more intelligent option.
Anal: you appear to be overly lacking in self control and organization, and possibly have a compulsive need to defy authority. If you are too scatterbrained, you will not develop much as a person as you will habitually switch paths before you ever learn anything.
Phallic: you appear to have a good balance of sexual awareness and sexual composure.
Latency: you appear to have a good balance of abstract knowledge seeking and practicality, dealing with real world responsibilities while still cultivating your abstract and creative faculties and interests.
Genital: you appear to have a progressive and openminded outlook on life unbeholden to regressive forces like traditional authority and convention.
Freuds theorized that there are 5 stages of psychological development. At the oral stage the main issue is dependency, at the anal stage the main issue is self control, at the phallic stage the main issue is sexual identity, at the latency stage it's skill development, and at the genital stage its creativity and productivity.
Freud theorized that psychological problems are related to problems during one or more of these stages. For example, being too cared for or too neglected causes someone to be orally fixated, too much or too little control causes someone to be anally fixated, insufficient parental role modeling causes phallic fixation.
An orally fixated person is either irrationally dependent (expects what they want to just appear) or irrationally independent (always refuses help).
An anally fixated person is either irrationally self controlled and servile to authority or has no self control and is compulsively defiant of authority.
A phallicly fixated person is either a sexual compulsive (sexually innappropriate/promiscuous) or sexually repressed.
Freud did not classify any latent fixation but I think it is as plausible as those at the other stages. I speculate that people that like to learn and acquire knowledge without any purpose or people that are compulsively non curious represent both dysfunctional ends of the latency spectrum.
The genital stage is the final Freudian developmental stage and according to Freud people don't all succeed at this. Freud believed the ideal for human happiness is to be happy in love and work, problems in one or the other cause unhappiness.
Like any personality system, Freud's developmental levels are just a theory, so, be speculative about your results.
| Eysenck's Test Results | Extraversion (43%) moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and private.
Neuroticism (29%) low which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Psychoticism (76%) high which suggests you are overly selfish, uncooperative, and difficult at the expense too often of the well being of others.
| Take Eysenck Personality Test (similar to EPQ-R)personality tests by similarminds.com
This test reflects the ideas of Hans Eysenck a pioneer in the field of personality research. Through research and statistical analysis he determined that personality is composed of three main elements: Extroversion, Neuroticism, and Psychoticism. Most current researchers agree on the significance of the first two traits, but there is less consensus on the third (so he may be wrong about it's central importance but it clearly plays some role in personality). Most people will score lower on Psychoticism. While Psychoticism implies more negative qualities than the other two traits (typically), a link has been found is several studies between higher creativity and higher scores on Psychoticism.
Here are your results on each dimension:
Extroversion results were moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and private.
Neuroticism results were low which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Psychoticism results were high which suggests you are overly selfish, uncooperative, and difficult at the expense too often of the well being of others.
Prior to Eysenck's discovery of Psychoticism, he correlated his original two traits (introversion and neuroticism) with an ancient greek personality system known as the Galen types (Melancholic, Choleric, Sanguine, Phlegmatic). Below is a plotting of your introversion and extraversion scores on that map.
Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results | Warmth | |||||||||||| | 38% | | Intellect | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Emotional Stability | |||||||||||| | 38% | | Aggressiveness | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 86% | | Liveliness | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 82% | | Dutifulness | |||||||||||| | 34% | | Social Assertiveness | |||||||||||| | 34% | | Sensitivity | ||||||||| | 26% | | Paranoia | |||||||||||||||||| | 54% | | Abstractness | ||||||||||||||| | 42% | | Introversion | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 86% | | Anxiety | ||||||||| | 26% | | Openmindedness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Independence | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Perfectionism | ||||||||| | 22% | | Tension | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 82% | | Take Cattell 16 Factor Test (similar to 16pf)personality tests by similarminds.com
Cattell's 16 Factor Key
Factor -low score -high score
Warmth -cold, selfish -supportive, comforting
Intellect -instinctive, unstable -cerebral, analytical
Emotional Stability -irritable, moody -level headed, calm
Aggressiveness -modest, docile -controlling, tough
Liveliness -somber, restrained -wild, fun loving
Dutifulness -untraditional, rebellious -conforming, traditional
Social Assertiveness -shy, withdrawn -uninhibited, bold
Sensitivity -coarse, tough -touchy, soft
Paranoia -trusting, easy going -wary, suspicious
Abstractness -practical, regular -strange, imaginative
Introversion -open, friendly -private, quiet
Anxiety -confident, self assured -fearful, self-doubting
Openmindedness -closeminded, set-in-ways -curious, exploratory
Independence -outgoing, social -loner, craves solitude
Perfectionism -disorganized, messy -orderly, thorough
Tension -relaxed, cool -stressed, unsatisfied
Career Inventory Test Results | Extroversion | ||||||||| | 23% | | Emotional Stability | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Orderliness | ||| | 10% | | Altruism | |||||||||||||||||| | 56% | | Inquisitiveness | ||||||||||||||| | 50% | | You are an Architect, possible professions include - strategic planning, writer, staff development, lawyer, architect, software designer, financial analyst, college professor, photographer, logician, artist, systems analyst, neurologist, physicist, psychologist, research/development specialist, computer programmer, data base manager, chemist, biologist, investigator. | | Take Free Career Test personality tests by similarminds.com
You are an Architect, possible professions include - strategic planning, writer, staff development, lawyer, architect, software designer, financial analyst, college professor, photographer, logician, artist, systems analyst, neurologist, physicist, psychologist, research/development specialist, computer programmer, data base manager, chemist, biologist, investigator.
| #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### | Your personality type is RCUAI | You are reserved, calm, unstructured, accommodating, and intellectual, and may prefer a city which matches those traits.
| | The largest representation of your personality type can be found in the these U.S. cities: Washington DC, Oklahoma City, Raleigh/Durham, Louisville, New Orleans, Greensboro, Austin, Albuquerque/Santa Fe, Sacramento, Salt Lake City, Denver and these international countries/regions Luxembourg, Iceland, Hungary, Kazakhstan, Slovenia, Netherlands, Greece, Puerto Rico, Denmark, Belgium, Croatia, Germany, Turkey, Sweden, Ireland | What Places In The World Match Your Personality?City Reviews at CityCulture.org
May. 1st, 2006 @ 07:58 pm
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| » Global Advanced Trait Descriptions |
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Extraversion |||||| 30%
- easily expresses emotions, not drained by social interaction, smiles a lot, believes most people like or will like them, bold, likes to lead, would rather be a participant than an observer, gregarious, loves night life activities and crowds, likes to participate in group discussions, oftens assumes the role of "Entertainer" or "Performer", easy to get to know, spends more time with others than alone, competes for the spotlight, fits in most places, likes to be popular, frequently touches people, spontaneous, likes to amuse, optimistic, social chameleon, charmer, tends to be confident
Stability |||||||||||||||| 63%
- calm, patient, easy-going, never gets too emotional, remains cool when others panic, not quick tempered, less prone to depression, trusting, optimistic, self confident, not swayed by emotions, not prone to envy, rarely worries, well adjusted, less prone to physical and mental sickness, more likely to exercise, able to bounce back from hardships
Orderliness |||||| 30%
- systematic, scheduled, planned, prefers structure, disciplined, desires the predictability of routine and habit, responsible, does things by the book, meets obligations on time, uncomfortable with imperfection, hard working, serious, practical, plans ahead, focuses on achieving goals, cautious, more logical than abstract, plays it safe, success driven, achiever, not easily distracted, law abiding, detail oriented and sometimes obsessed, prefers the familiar to the unfamiliar, likes the security of working for a company
Accommodation |||||||||||||||| 63%
- nice, happiest when helping and giving to others, does not mind serving others, unselfish, generous, self sacrificing, other-centric, warm, caring, loving, peaceful, modest, has trouble saying no, has trouble being firm, does not enjoy fighting, very loyal, prefers team victories over personal glory, wants everyone to get along, not manipulative, drawn to public service fields, good listener, comforter, not materialistic, honest, agreeable, nurturing
Interdependence |||||| 30%
- good at taking advice, prefers to do things with others, easy to get to know, expressive about feelings, likes to be part of a group, learns better with others, trusting, positive, content, tends to be traditional
Intellectual |||||||||| 36%
- likes gadgets, analytical, problem solver, knowledgable, philisophical, observant, curious, synthesizer, perceptive, enjoys games of strategy, prescient, questioner, inventive, introspective, relies more on mind than others, more influenced by self than others, brainstormer, nerdy, looks for hidden patterns, seeks meaning, rationalist, bibiliophile, likes science fiction
Mystical |||||||||||||| 56%
- feels pulled to the symbolic, archetypal, and mysterious; likes to look wierd, believes in extra sensory perception, lives an experimental life, frequently reinvents self, more abstract than logical, more likely to be a trauma survivor, looks for hidden meaning, attracted to wierdness, different, off beat, unpredictable, more solitary, focus on fantasies more than reality, drawn to artistic and cutting edge industries, bohemian, prefers autonomy, erotic, charmer, insightful, prefers strange clothing
Artistic |||||||||||||||| 70%
- drawn to artistic and cutting edge industries, drawn to careers where creativity is a solitary pursuit, more abstract than concrete, original, appreciates beauty, ideal love seeking, intense, imaginative, introspective, likes indie rock music, prone to an interest in acting, likes art house movies, self expressive, likes to look wierd, pulled to the symbolic and mysterious, likes to perform, prone to keeping a journal, attracted to the counter culture, interested in journalism, odd, trend setter, different, lives an experimental life, prefers shopping at organic markets, attracted to wierdness, more likely to be vegetarian, dislikes the ordinary and non dramatic, feels both special and defective
Religious |||||||||||||||| 63%
- closest confident is a Higher Power, has more belief than doubt, prefers to let religion not themself decide the meaning of their life, opposed to strip clubs, believes that life is meaningful, reveres holidays and traditions, considers themself very spiritual, more likely to be politically conservatie, opposed to euthanasia, fears being corrupt or evil, old fashioned, thinks abortion should be outlawed, has faith things will work out, would sacrifice their life for a good enough cause, caring, honest, generous, prude, modest, drawn to public service, purposeful
Hedonism |||||||||||| 50%
- willing to break the law if the monetary benefit is great enough, likes tattoos, likes strip clubs, prone to substance abuse, prone to shoplifting, thinks marijuana should be legalized, not opposed to breaking laws, promiscuous, prone to cheat in relationships, kinky, likes to dress provocatively, believes pleasure should play a central role in life, can be crude, believes religion is foolish, does not worry about consequences of actions, addictive tendencies, more a night person than a day person, erotic, more likely to have been on anti-depressants, gets attention through negative behavior, reckless with money, prone to nihilism, unpredicable, self destructive
Materialism |||||| 23%
- wealth seeking, prefers extravagence, superficial, believes the bigger the pay check the more important the person, competitive, selfish, preoccupied with money, believes they deserve to have whatever they want (sense of entitlement), seeks status and power relative to peers, believes there is nothing wrong with marrying partly for money, disdains financial insecurity, avoids losing status and control, looking good is more important than comfort, believes in success through appearances, second place is not good enough, manipulative, has a need for applause, not generous, loves to win awards, does things primarily for own benefit, gets angry when they don't get when they want, used to getting their way, prefers instant gratification
Narcissism |||||||||||| 50%
- use their looks to get what they want, is able to plan and work towards goals successfully, loves themself, optimistic, sparkling, achiever, self promoting, self assured, success driven, thinks they can charm anyone, ambitious, elegant, thinks they are better looking than most people (which they may or may not be), believes that they are special, more a leader than a follower, believes that other people are envious of them, loves to win awards, fits in most places, seductive, purposeful, believes in success through appearances, assertive, goal oriented, would love to have buildings and monuments named after them, believes they deserve all the good things they have, likes to be popular
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
- does not worry about consequences, tends to do dangerous things without adequate precautions, always seeking new challenges, unpredictable, lives for pleasure, loves physical exertion, loves to test their strength, more desire than fear, loves night life and crowds, adrenaline junkie, impulsive, enjoys fighting, open to pretty much anything, believes that fun is the most important thing in life, loves to exercise, not opposed to breaking laws, prefers the unfamiliar to the familiar, prefers autonomy, likes to perform, ambitious, uninhibited, likes camping, erotic, likes to lead, most people think they are crazy, remains calm when others panic, cannot sit still, has an all or nothing personality, self promoting, risk taker, brave, likes to be different
Work ethic |||||||||||||||||| 76%
- desires accomplishment, determined, hard working, goal oriented, can forget to eat and sleep when focused on work, achiever, success driven, perfectionist, motivated, does things by the book, meets obligations on time, disciplinarian, planner, ambitious, responsible, purposeful, self-controlled, workaholic, over-achiever, focused, not afraid of a high stress job, likes the security of working for a company, good trouble-shooter, was mature at a young age, does not give up until the work is done, logical, wants to be capable and competent
Self absorbed |||||||||| 36%
- does things primarily for the benefit of themself, puts their feelings first, can't do anything when they don't feel good, swayed by their emotions, more concerned with themself than others, prefers personal glory over team victories, pleasure seeker, uses their looks to get what they want, gets angry when they don't get what they want, dramatizes their suffering, wealth seeking, superficial, manipulative, narcissistic
Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||||| 76%
- quick-tempered, more war than peace, likes to instigate anger in others, can be hurtful, arrogant, says mean things intentionally, makes enemies, prone to verbal rants, enjoys fighting, more likely to be aggressive than form alliances, more rough than tender, competitive, can be crude, likes to antagonize people, finds it easy to manipulate others, does not treat others as they would like to be treated, reckless, impulsive, destructive, insult artist, brutally honest, all or nothing personality, gets attention through negative behavior, believes it is necessary to be ruthless to be successfull, unpredictable, thinks most people are idiots, comes on too strong, more a leader than a follower
Need to dominate |||||||||||| 43%
- quick-tempered, likes to manage others, bossy, second place is not good enough, can be hurtful, games are only fun if they win, comes on too strong, wants things done their way, competes for the spotlight, used to getting their way, powerful, strong, own-person, tough, leader, vindictive, controlling, finds it easy to manipulate others, has authoritarian tendencies, tries to surpass the accomplishments of others, has a need for applause, uses others and self to achieve goals, wealth seeking, self promoting, arrogant, self confident, likes to correct people, seeks status and power relative to peers, self absorbed, competitive, makes enemies, can be crude, enjoys fighting, has an all or nothing personality, enjoys antagonizing people
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
- merges and feels intimate oneness with others, wants to feel loved, fears being unwanted, finding true love is their main passion in life, romantic idealist, can't control their romantic feelings or thoughts, when in a relationship their attention is entirely focused on that person, desires secure relationships above all else, feels best when they are admired, would sacrifice anything for love, believes love is salvation, gets very attached to people, more sensual than intellectual, would rather be in a mediocre relationship than alone, loves getting massages, desires more attention, concerned about being attractive to a potential soul mate, swayed by emotions, fears having no guidance or support, frequently feels loving towards others
Avoidant |||||| 23
- loner, limits social interaction because it's draining, does not express emotions easily, shy, does not like most people, does not think most people like them, nothing really pleases them, prefers to dress down (hide attractiveness), considered wierd by others, values personal privacy above personal relationships, feels dejected and better off alone, neglects self, has low self esteem issues, can't find meaning in life, seeks wholeness through isolation, hard to get to know, emotionally numb, even in a relationship they desire a sense of seperateness, thinks life is overrated, would rather be alone then risk rejection, thinks people would not like them if they really knew them, feels like an outsider, afraid to show it when they like some one, aversion to physical contact, somewhat asexual, prone to shame, existentially depressed, prone to focus on suffering, bitter, does not like happy people, poor self image, anhedonic
Anti-authority |||||||||||| 50%
- resents supervision, does not like to be bound by schedules or habits, prefers to do things when they feel ready, appreciation for anarchy, has a need for complete freedom, would rather work for self than a company, questions everything, wants things done their way, prone to behavior problems in school, gets angry when they don't get what they want, subversive, tends to dislike organized religion, fears confinement, values loyalty, challenging
Wealth |||||| 23%
- can afford more luxuries than most people, believes they get what they want because of how they look, grew up feeling well off, spoiled by parents, considers themself elegant, used to getting their own way, believes the bigger the pay check the more important the person, success driven, loves to win awards, believes looking good is more important than comfort, uses their looks to get what they want, self promoting, wealth seeking, comes from wealthy family, achiever, has no problem with the gap between the rich and poor widening, interested in hierarchy and prestige
Dependency |||| 16%
- not confident, prone to mistakes, indecisive, desires security and support, fears having no guidance or support, frequently feels envious, not productive without reassurance, gets very attached to people, feels guilty when they disagree with people, seeks acceptance and recognition from peers, dramatizes their suffering, impressionable, can be talked into doing things, fears being unwanted or unworthy of love, never knows what to do next, personality is centered around low self esteem issues, swayed by emotions, can't handle people being mad at me, freezes up in stressful situations, influenced more by others than self, avoids responsibilities, life lacks direction, prone to paranoia, prone to shame, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness
Change averse |||||||||| 36%
- follows fairly predictable patterns in life, prefers to stick with things they know, routine and habit make them feel secure, prefers the familiar to the unfamiliar, the habits they have now they will have a year from now, does not like to be without guidance, prefers the proven to the experimental, gets very attached to things, wants everything to add up perfectly, desires security and support, more past than future oriented, frequently feels envious, predictable, can't adjust well to new situations, does things by the book, avoids being called on in group discussions, would not enjoy being an entrepreneur
Cautiousness |||||||||||||||| 70%
- proceeds with care in most endeavors, favors sameness and consistency to suprises, does things by the book, feels that something bad will happen if they let their guard down, not reckless, prefers structure, thinks the world is a dangerous place, prefers the familiar to the unfamiliar, wants everything to add up perfectly, protective of their feelings, prone to paranoia, fears being harmed or controlled, suspicious of others until they have proven themselves trustworthy, worries about making the wrong choices, thinks of things in terms of costs and benefits, prioritizes personal safety, more contemplation than action, perfectionist, refiner, goal oriented, trouble shooter, prefers to stick with what they know, worries about consequences
Individuality |||||||||||||||| 70%
- believes they are very odd, likes to behave and or dress in a shocking manner, drawn to artistic and cutting edge industries, wants to be as independent from society as possible, likes to look wierd, self expressive, most people think they are crazy, desires autonomy / complete freedom, frequently reinvents self, unpredictable, more random than controlled, drawn to careers where creativity is a solitary pursuit, more abstract than concrete, grew up feeling that they had to stand out to be happy, attracted to the counter culture, dissatisfied with the ordinary and non dramatic, pursues the extroadinary and intense, prefers wierd friends, thinks they are a trend setter, lives an experimental life, driven by curiousity, reckless, novelty seeking, fond of anarchy, bohemian, feels like they lose a sense of self when the agree with people
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||| 76%
- more kinky than vanilla, erotic, feels pleasure should play a central role in life, not oppossed to strip clubs, promiscuous tendencies, likes to be naked, seductive, loves getting massages, likes to dress provocatively, merges and feels intimate oneness with others, believes love is proven through physical expression, believes they get what they want because of how they look, more sensual than intellectual, uses looks to get what they want, believes personal relationships are more important than personal privacy, would rather risk rejection than remain alone, not afraid to show their feelings when they like someone, impulsive, charmer
Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 43%
- avoids responsibilities, people tell them they are childish and need to grow up, would rather live in their head than the real world, wants success to just happen to them, focuses on fantasies more than reality, believes they deserve to have whatever they want, life lacks direction, never know what to do next, does dumb things frequently, inconsistent performance, lazy, slacker, does the minimum to get by, does things without thinking, does not feel they have any reason to accomplish anything, tend to ignore or put off problems, believes fun is the most important thing in life, most people think they are crazy, forgets scheduled appointments, more past than future, gets attention through negative behavior
Physical security |||||||||||||||| 63%
- feels they have sufficient financial and material resources
Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||||||| 84%
- feels in good shape and look forwards to a long happy life, good self image, proud of health and strength, feels they are better looking than most people, high self esteem, loves physical exertion, more likely to wear tight fitting clothing if female, not prone to eating disorders, less likely to have health problems, takes care of self, athletic
Histrionic |||||||||||||||| 63%
- strong need for applause, gets angry and frustrated if they don't get what they want, likes to be popular, believes winning is no fun unless people know you one, desires more attention, competes for the spotlight, grew up feeling they had to stand out to be happy, gets attention through negative behavior, self absorbed, frequently feels envious, likes to manipulate others, superficial, tends to become involved with people quickly, feels best when admired, wants things done their way, used to getting their way, uses their looks to get what they want, quick tempered, impulsive, vain, loves to win awards, performer, entertainer, pleasure seeking, swayed by emotions, prefers instant gratification, self promoting, believes in success through appearances, wealth seeking
Paranoia |||||||||||||| 56%
- suspicious of others until they have proven themselves trustworthy, more doubt than belief, preoccuppied with death and suffering, fears being harmed or controlled, bitter, looks for hidden meaning in things, personality is centered around low self esteem issues, feels misunderstood, thinks people would not like them if they really knew them, defensive, often experiences disgust, love-hate relationships with most things, likes to test people's loyalty, thinks life is overrated, focuses on suffering, feels like an outsider, existentially depressed, does not trust what people say, prone to shame, suffers from depression, knows the dark side of life very well, attracted to things associated with sadness, would rather remain alone than risk rejection, hard to get to know, makes enemies, loner
Vanity || 10%
- uses looks to get what they want, arrogant, self-absorbed, believes they can get what they want because of how they look, believes in success through appearances, cares about how they look to others, believes looking good is more important than comfort, feels best when others find them physically attractive, believes other people are envious of them, superficial, feels best when admired, attentive to appearance, spends a lot of time thinking about what is attractive, feels they are better looking than most people, competes for the spotlight, self promoting, feels both superior and defective, likes to manipulate others, seductive, likes to be popular, used to getting their way, reckless with money, wealth seeking, does things primarilly for the benefit of themself, does not like to be friends with people who are physically unattractive, tends to wear tight fitting clothing if female, desires more attention, assumes most people like them
Hypersensitivity |||||| 23%
- tends to get too emotional, can't take it easy, feels gloomy and distraught frequently, more past than future, more feeling than doing, not confident in their opinions or abilities, dislikes themself, prone to paranoia, affected by the moods of others, broody, envious, ideal love seeking, expressive, dramatic, tempermental, impressionable, swayed by emotions, fears loss and separation, poor self image, gets very attached to people and things, hopeless romantic, focuses on suffering, desires security and support, defensive, suffers from loneliness, feels invisible, fears rejection in relationships, can't control romantic feelings and thoughts, existentially depressed, suffers from depression, prone to shame, prone to panic attacks, feelings guide most of their behavior, can't handle people being mad at them, dreams about a rescuer, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness, familiar with the role of victim, worries they will make the wrong choices, conflicts between thoughts and feelings, desires more attention
Female cliche || 10%
- uses their looks to get what they want, more into shopping than hiking, likes to wear tight fitting clothing, likes to wear makeup, believes looking good is more important than comfort, experiences the feeling of envy frequently, emotional, does not like to dress plainly, cares about how they look to others, physically weak, likes to dress provocatively, takes notice of people's teeth, keeps up an appearance, likely to have kept a journal, believes they get what they want because of how they look, prefers the tv show Friends to Seinfeld, feels best when others find them physically attractive, seductive, prefers attractive design over good engineering, fears being unwanted or unworthy of love, swayed by emotions
*for a low score assume the opposite of the above
May. 1st, 2006 @ 06:11 pm
|
| » Day of Silence |
|---|
Please understand my reasons for not speaking today. I am participating in the day of Silence, a national moverrment protesting the silence faced by lesbain, gay, bisexuak, and transgender people and thier allies. My deliberate silence echoes taht silence, which is caused by harassment, prejudice, and discrimination. I believe that endign the silence is the first step toward fighting these injustices. think about the voices you are not hearing today....
[b]What are you going to do to end the silence?[/b]
prepared by GLSEN. Akron Day of Silence Sponsored by LGBTU
Apr. 26th, 2006 @ 10:55 am
|
| » ER and FTX |
|---|
ok i know not every one know this yet but i was int he ER on thusday nigth for UTI and pulled soem muslas some how... i was trying to go those my day like norm but that so did not happen... i got my hair done by James then on the way back t my drom i couldn't pertnet it was not hurting any more and it realy was hell of a pain.. so i got to my room and called my mama cryign ont he phone telling her to get me and take me to the ER.. it was a lot of pain and they killed it with nice drugs that i so like but i still dont; want to take them i hate taking pills... ok i'm got drugs to make me better btu i thought i could try and play paintball and training woth my ROTC at the join FTX but nope.. i ended up sleeping and keeping watch over the ruck sacks on friday.. i was goign to the say the weekend but i dont; feel like not doign shit out there and i know its my studden side the still had me out there.. i stop beign studden and is restign on my bed in my drom room hoping to feel better soon.. ok.. i need to take the other pill to make this UTI gone... so later..
Apr. 24th, 2006 @ 06:04 pm
|
| » untitled poem |
|---|
ok this is a poem i did in high school but it dose say a lot abotu me in a easy way... i'm odd little me and liek how i am... enjoy---
I am an American soldier
That fights for her country and state
I am an engineer
That designs a better life for all
I am a noble of Spain
That is taught to look after honor and duty to her family and house
I am a Catholic
That has fallen for grace at times
I am a Wiccan
That has found herself as an angelic demon
I am a daughter
That still makes her mother upset or happy
I am a sister
That loves to pick fights with her brothers
I am a girlfriend
That loves her girl will all her heart and soul
I am a girl
That grown up to fast in her hard life
I am a woman
That seems to be like one of the boys all the time
I am an artist
That could never live without drawing something
I am a liberal
That lets every one have their views
I am a conservative
That holds to what she knows is her views and truth
I am a racer
That still loves it when she would pull off the by the nose win
I am one or many
That al can see me as
I am only me
That sees the world in her own views, light and way
I am La Señora Sarita Maire Serenity Alexander Vazgues Ramirez de Custodio
In Spanish world
I am Sarah Maire Brown
In English world
I am only Serenity
For all to see
Apr. 24th, 2006 @ 05:32 pm
|
| » personality traits |
|---|
Personality Trait
Adventurous - going to try anythign oncce if not more... give me a new thing to add to my list of dos before i die and i'll have it done soem time...
Argumentative - i like doign this my way and can;t learn to back down... i onlu learn the hard way and fighting only helps me keep my bad ass look.. lol
Artistic - i Draw a lot and ppl say there good but i'm shy about it and think they need work
Flamboyant - start to doing at ramdom and do stuip stuff all the time at drop of a hat style, and for bing gay its not in my style to bad
Flirtatious and Playful - only one person gets to see this side of me.. eat ur haert out boys and grls... she gets to see my roses, tickly u, kiss on the check, and all that fun cute stuff
High Energy - i look clam but i'll aways ready to do something only need to feigher the thing out frist... ill do just about any thign once to say i did it.. i liek beign that way and its great for truth and dare games i never have to answer a truth if i don't to.. hehe
Humorous and Witty - i'm more sarcait then any thing, get use to it... at and its dark too
Intellectual - when i do speak it some thing bright comes out more often then not... may be a honor grad form high school but its all an act...
Low Maintenance - do fuss over me (unless it my grl) and i'm happy, dress in 5 mins, out adn ready to go do stuff in 10 min
Outgoing - i walk up to talk with ppl when the mood stakes me, or show off at the race track..
Romantic - agian only one gets to see this.. every other grils lost... roses, wine (or her drink), home made dinner, and soft music... there more to come too
Self Confident - i do it and have no shame in it or why i did it.. why not go with it
Serious - i need to stop beign as much but hay i do have fun to... i'm too much of this at times thinking and reading over things...
Spiritual - Blessed be and Amen Lord.. mix of Catholic and Wiccan.. i'm odd here hun
Stubborn - get over it.. if i'm not willign u donlt gettign me to do it or to even deal w/ u ppl.. and this in one of my better traits but it gets me in troble at the same time
Free-Spirited - only way to be... and have fun w/ the world around u
Wild - i'm latina.. do i need to say more
Spontaneous - its my romdoms momtons...lol... i can be caring but its messes up my bad ass our look that others see..
Flexible - when it suits me or my plans for whatever
Open-Minded - u have to be in the day of age.. i don't look and jugde u on looks, race, age but on u so show me good or bad adn i judge u on that
Responsible - i'll do what i say i'll do.. its my word and my word is my honor, this is some thign i don;t play around with, my honor is on the line and will not lost my honor ever for a little thing
Worldly - i've done stuff and willing to get other out there to do it too... adn i've been places and will be goign to more places with the Army
all in all - i'm only me and did i say i'm insane and evil too...lol
Apr. 23rd, 2006 @ 06:08 pm
|
| » incane and ventting day |
|---|
my heart is hit hard this week.. my mama had me come home yesterday to take care of familia adn me puco bro as my other one is too big of a fuck dick and ass to care abotu mom beign sick and need help at home...
i ended up missing classes on tuesday and come back that night so i would not miss MIL SCI and PT... even those i coundn;t got up for PT as it was.. i did go to PT in the afternoon... i have to meet with my one Proffeser to drop her class and then my other one to drop that too... i can't do 20 crd hrs any more.. but i'm a head of others in my class i think..
i finghered out that i will have to change my contar with the Army for how i;'m doing my training and i'll be still doing my Basic on 06062006 (devil day) then i would coem home to fall sumerter of college but i now have to go to AIT right after Basic.. which means i'll be home in time for X-mas or my Thanksgiving at the earliest... i have to pay for college droms this sumeser then i can go to classes that next one...
i think i'll got the rest of my gen education out of my way with soem math then start to work on the mech eng classes along with my art degree... i will get my art dregree, i desided that i'm goign for it and to ceretife drafts woman too i love drafting over full engineering any day but i need the 4 yr degree to get my commission in the Army... i this one thing after another that i need to think about...
i know i think for sure when i coem back from Basic and AIT i'm gettign my self a truck or car to drive after my state liesion and i'll be moving out of the house so mama can hae the up sytairs for little bro.. that house is too small for us as it is so i'll move Akron so i can get to college and also to drill weekends... i have have it planed out.. with my enlistment bouse that is comign to me and all the other cash fro pay for being at AIT and Basic i wountn't send any there unless i go and see Freda while on a leave many be once so i can hold her then i'm back in Ohio while she in TX...
there anther thing that drivign me incane and not in my nromal incaneness that every one loves me for but trying to make sure this relationship with her is goign to stay stong one and we talk abotu any thign and every thing.. i don;t wan t us to only have sex .. i want more then that, i'm her 1st in sex world and i'm got that before it no big for me but to her is it.. i just want to see her happy and i know i make her happy and love her with my heart... i would step aside if need be to let her have that so she knows i'm not laying to her its great in the sex but i want to see her happy.. it would hurt to do that but it that means she would not have dounts about us later i would do it... i'm so scared that i'm fuckign this up... she is the 1st person male or female that i open my heart to and her is my 1st love.. i know she still loves her ex and i know that is always will.. but she is with me, i know she loves me but what is that ex wants her back... this is fuckign with my head... i know i can;t talk to many at college even in the LGBT group.. its my problem and its abotu family i have with her in my live...
i guess that my renting is makign me feel a little better with my getign soem of it out my cest... i just have to do every thing and its starting to get to me.. i know i worked 40 hrs at hell of Wendys to help at home adn grad with 2 honors but now its becamign harder for me to do that with the Army, my mama's health, and college.. i need help...
i realy want to just fucking go to sleep for about a year and not be buged abotu other ppl at all.. i want to live a nromal life and i know there none for anyone but still that ideal is what i want.. i think i got my mama's genic desace too so all this stress is finally hitting me and going to fuck me over soon.. goddess i hate this Lupias its goign to kill me liek my mama... if a heart actek don't 1st...
ok i better go and find those teachers so i can get school done.. if any one ever reads these.. i'm sorry but dont; give me pitty for any thign in my life i've have hell and i'm still going for what i want and got past most of the shit that happened to me with my biological father aka spim doner and my big brother.. my adpit father leavign us.. my gradpa dieign when i needed him to be my good father liek guy and before gradpa was the death of Lee the clasest person in my life to be a real and true father
to me and my brothers.. i just wan tsoem thign to work out and i'm just brackign down before i head to BOOT so i at lest know i'm gone nuts seeign i'm a lesbain in the ARMY.. i'm going incane and i need soem one to talk to..
if any one feels the need to tell me off or to to help me just IM me on YahooIM - batiras or at AOL/AIM - SerenityHellfire
i guess that its for my incane rant and brack down for now... god and goddess look after me... (i'm catholic and wiccan)
I lift up my eyes toward the moutains;
whence shall help coem to me?
my help is from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
May he not suffer your foot to slip;
may he slumbe not who guards you;
Indeed he neither slumber nore sleep,
the guardian of Isreal.
the Lrod is your guardian; the is your shade;
he is beside you at your rigth head.
the sun shall not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
the Lord will guard you from all evil;
he wil guard your life
the Lord will guard your coming and your going,
both now and forever. (Psalm 121)
thus we may say with confidence:
"the Lord is my helper,
[and] I will not be afraid.
what can anyoen do to me?" (Hebrew 13:6)
Our Mother,
Who art amongst us,
Hallowed is Thy presence.
Our realm is here,
We sense Thee near,
On Earth,
which is our living Heaven.
Teach us this day to bake our bread,
And accept us in our human-ness
As we accept each other,
in spite of our limitations.
Lead us not into domination,
But empower us to freedom.
For ours is this Air,
This Fire,
This Water,
This Earth,
Forever and Ever.
Blessed Be.
ok before i go on a rant on these and other words of the Lord and wican ones.. i'll be going.. later
Apr. 11th, 2006 @ 06:09 pm
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| » HRC Dinner |
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tonight was the fromal diner and dance HRC (human rigths). it was very inlighting night and i did meet a few of new friends and had fun with the Akron LGBTU group.
i meet a grl form the pride center for Akron and i got cards to get a hold of her and for the groups to work togetter. then the bi guy i meet from Case Wester Reserve University that also a member of the pride group and nice guy.. all in all its was a nice night and good meal of stack, and this to die for chocolate mose.. and i did i say we got two veruy nice fine wines to drink as we eat.. it was sluta to the chiefs and to the evenign in all
ok its time to go to bed... night all
Apr. 8th, 2006 @ 06:10 pm
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| » marrage and love |
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to you knew me in high school u know about me and who i am or know me to the wierd kid in ur grade... i don;t care abotu that stuff but u all should know that i do support and hope u will support me and other "family".
we are not bad ppl, some are in the militayr fight for ur rights and freedoms. so why not look at us as it we have a right to marry and be happy and (beign blunt here) we don't to fuck with the stairght ppl. i don;t and i knwo most don't. i just want to tell ppl to think about why gays and lesbains can't marry their lovers..
why is that.. its because we would put in ur face making u or ur friends come to a wedding nope.. we only want to be able to be as happy in our lives as any one esle.. say we love each o0ther in a way that makes us feel as if we are one with them and nothing wil hurt or hram us for it adn do it with friends that do wish to see us happy with our lovers...
what about love.. is marrage not but about love in its prue form... i can see some thing its only man and woman but why not woman and woman or man and man... it is hard to see that two ppl of the same gender can look in to each others eyes and know that they are ment to be with each other...
it its only ment for men and woman along why can't they keep the marrage from goign to hell, i've seem my mom marry and remarry adn still have not gotten it right... you can't believe its not love but other thigns...
i'm just askign u to think about this and if u like to find out more i'll be happy to talk to u and u can join or just go to a LGBTU meeting at ur college and i have the day adn times for the one at Akron U so drop me a line if ur liking info..
if you want to know why i'm on this topic then just message me and i'll be up front about why and i'll tell u what is what...
Feb. 14th, 2006 @ 12:00 am
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hellfire79's journal
